Don’t be a hot tranny mess from Transylvania and WATCH!

So if you don’t know anything about Christian – Amy Poehler talks exactly like him! If you would like to see more about him go to the link below. Unfortunately I couldn’t embed it – I need to become a better nerd, I know.
www.fabsugar.com/Project-Runway-Winner-Christian-Sirianos-New-Bravo-TV-Show-5367818

Once upon a time there was a boy in Vermont named Bobby.  Bobby’s an attractive fellow and seemed quite shy when I first met him.  Bobby and I became friends and this is is how he gets his freak on today…

So Bobby lives far from me and we tend to talk to each other via text.  I get a call from him one morning.  He needed to tell me about his “crazy” night.

Bobby is a waiter at a restaurant.  He was waiting on a table of two very attractive ladies; a mother and her daughter.  The mother asked if he would like to come to a party she’s hosting.  Bobby, of course, said yes.  So he shows up to the party and notices an unusually high sense of sexual energy floating through the air.  The “mother” welcomed him – proceeded to get him a little tipsy, and makes her move.  I think many young gents fantasize about being with an older woman, and Bobby certainly fulfilled his.  He noticed a lot of people making out and “disappearing,” but didn’t think much of it at the time.  He’s just chillin’ drinking a couple and now the daughter comes up to him and starts being flirtatious.  This took Bobby by surprise.  Surely this girl must know he had taken her mother down and out!  Well she did.  And she blatantly did not care.  She led young Bobby to her bedroom and had her way with him.  Bobby was feeling confused and proudly used, when he asked, “damn! what kind of party is this?!”  The young woman stared at Bobby in disbelief and answered… “A swinger’s party, didn’t you know?”

Bobby did NOT know, but he was damn sure happy about it.  He told me this story and I laughed, I have been privy to these parties, and let me tell you they are not for the prude minded.

Swinger parties are for couples, married or not, to exploit their sexual deviance.  Whether you want to see your wife/girlfriend hook up with another chick, watch her get slammed by another (married or taken) man while potentially doing that man’s wife/girlfriend at the same time etc.  Now let me be clear – single men are NOT allowed to attend these parties! Single women are of course, if our species wants to hoochie it up, then let us – right.

Now Bobby is hooked to these swinger parties, and I asked him how he was getting in to them. Well this smart fellow asked his new friend if she would pretend to be his girlfriend so they can go to these parties.  Her freaky ass said yes.  They even pose as bf gf on facebook so their cover doesn’t get blown.

So all of you single male freaks out there. You know you have a slutty girl – friend out there who would do you the courtesy of going to one of these parties.  They are fun and interesting if nothing else.  Sure you may be freaked out a little.  I have seen naked girls posted up on a bar getting eaten out by numerous men and women, girls doing each other in a bath of whipped cream, and the very “plain” male/female sex in the corner.  I’ve spoken to these married or un-married couples that attend and they love it!  Not everyone participates in the craziness I described above, but they enjoy the energy surrounding them.  They may ask you to fuck their wife or ask if your girl can get in a threesome, but don’t be scared!  These people love sex, and maybe you think you love sex; but until you go to one of these fun-filled parties – you will truly never know!

Sites: http://www.swinger.net/swingers/clubs/New_Jersey/ …

We all know someone who loves telling stories.  I’m hatin’ on the ones who blatantly lie so their story seems more fun and potentially more valid.  I have recently been the unfortunate victim of such treachery.   A couple of weeks ago a friend brought over a friend (whose name shall be deemed “DB”) and we started talking about furniture, therefore; IKEA was mentioned.  DB starts talking about the owner of IKEA and how he carries cases of  squeeze bacon with him. Apparently the owner is so obsessed with squeeze bacon he won’t travel without it.

At this point my jaw was on the floor and I was completely enamoured.   I am a true fan of pork products and the words “squeeze bacon” was not a part of my porky palate?  What the HELL is squeeze bacon?  Who invented it? Why haven’t I heard of it?  Where the hell can I get it?  And why don’t I own it!

DB proceeds…  Squeeze bacon was invented after WWII.  A Swedish man developed a new way to process bacon by cooking and blending it in a special way.  I was overly excited to say the least.  Immediately I started to fantasize of gifting this product to every family member and friend until squeeze bacon was in everyone’s pantry I knew.

I immediately asked where I can purchase said product and DB told me at www.thinkgeek.com.   A few weeks went by and I thought, “What better day than today to own and gift some squeezy bacon!”  I got out my wallet, sat my buns down and smiled at the price (only $7.99!).  I decided to start with a quantity of 10 and clicked “BUY NOW.”  I then proceeded to weep tears of pig fat.

Squeeze bacon was a hoax. I was devastated at first and then not really surprised.  If squeeze bacon did exist we would all have it, right?  It would be on the “favorite condiments”  aisle in our refrigerators.  In a pork loving bachelor’s house one may open the fridge and only see bottles of squeeze bacon packed in front of cases beer and other random condiments.

This joke was genius.  But it was thinkgeek’s joke.  Did DB not know it was a hoax?  Did he think it was funny to promote and describe this product in such great detail, knowing that he was the only one in the room aware of such a hoax?  What satisfaction cometh when you can’t be there when everyone finds out it’s fake?  Wouldn’t the normal procedure be to show people the website click on “buy now,” then laugh like, “Ha-ha got you guys, you believed me! You suck.”?    So why did DB have to be such a d.b.?  I don’t know and I don’t care.  I’m glad I know about squeeze bacon.  I hope I meet YOU one day and it exists and I can mail you one the next week.

Of course some of you may know of this already and believe it old news.  For those of you who haven’t or who love the idea – get in your kitchens, start cooking!  You may not become a quadrillionaire, but you will have me as a hell of a loyal customer.