Twilight is a phenomenon, but I didn’t understand the extent of the hype until I was invited to watch it. Sure, I had seen interviews and read articles, but these metrics do not necessarily translate into Albuquerque box office sales. Trends grow slowly in this city, if at all. Queensryche now sells out Albuquerque’s largest venues in 10 minutes. True story. I was therefore surprised that we had to sit front and center for a chick flick. I was surprised by the fan tees, and by the number of people reciting dialogue. I laughed audibly when the girls behind me chanted “Take your shirt off!” during a scene in which he fails to kiss the girl. I don’t get it. In an effort to understand, I compiled two lists.
Analysis of the Cullen Vampires by Proclivities
(In Order of Appearance)
| Likes |
Dislikes |
| High School |
Tweezers |
| Bedhead |
Native Americans |
| H3Ts |
Wolves |
| Glitter |
Rapists |
| Vegetarians |
Cooking |
| Debussy |
Sleep |
| Baseball |
Other Vampires |
| Prom |
Sex (?) |
Later that night, a drunk girl told me that the movie was a metaphor for Mormonism. Thinking this could explain why my LDS friends are suddenly reading books about bloodsuckers, I headed to the Bloggernacle for confirmation. As it turns out, Drunkgirl was on to something. The author is Mormon, but the church has not specifically endorsed the books. I discovered that reading Twilight is a personal choice, much like drinking soda. In final analysis, however, either activity may implicate moral depravity. I had no idea. This post at normalmormons.com is typical of the moderate position as suggested by the url.
p.s. I just learned that a Mormon is not a Morman. Also, I now own backslidernextdoor.com.
Filed under: slowblogger
Dear Sleepy,
I think we already lost the Chinamerica war, but our cultural character prevents us from going gentle into that good night, and we are not above playing dirty. For example, how do Asian Americans register in your world domination matrix? Did you factor in the exploitation of expat technology? Seriously though, where would the Humans be without Boomer? They needed a Cylon playing for their team. Allow me to direct your attention to Johnny Chung Lee:
Asian? Yes. American? Yes. Awesome? Yes! I have a total nerd crush on him right now. And if push came to shove, I’m pretty sure this guy could Macgyver your Flip Mino into some sort of cloaking device in under under five minutes.
Happy Regards,
Doolittle
Filed under: slowblogger
I love that scene in Mean Girls where the dumb one unknowingly bedazzles a backward “K” onto her chest before Spring Fling while looking in the mirror, but I can’t decide if this is funny or sad.
Filed under: slowblogger
I am usually pleasant. Really, I am. But I was awful yesterday. I was dealing with an accounts payable issue that should have been handled at the corporate level a month ago, a Brinks delivery guy operating at the speed of cheeba, and a lone check that threw off a register, a safe and my reconciliation. To be fair, these are daily occurrences, but I have a sinus infection that somehow made them intolerable. I was short and snippy with undeserving people.
Tina-man to the rescue! She is my sister, and she can always talk me down. What I really needed was a more constructive way of telling someone when they are sucking. She suggested that I ask what they enjoy about their job and initiate a conversation about performance. Good stuff.
That’s when I remembered that I had covered Hearing Conservation as the morning OSHA topic. I grabbed some of the ear plugs from the supply closet and let my hair down to hide them. Then I donned my darkest sunglasses. Problem solved! Eliza isn’t bitchy. Eliza isn’t here. She’s got her head in the sand.
DAN: Hey, Eliza?
ELIZA: Speak up, I can’t hear you.
DAN: What do you mean?
ELIZA: Pfft. Can’t you see that I am wearing my sunglasses!?
DAN: Yeah. Umm.
DAN: I was just going to tell you that Sara wasn’t here either.
ELIZA: (indignant) I know that.
DAN: ‘Cause she isn’t on your list.
ELIZA: She is on the list in my head!!!
DAN: Oh.
DAN: I was just trying to help.
ELIZA: I don’t need your help!
ELIZA: …
ELIZA: …
ELIZA: Do you enjoy your job?
ELIZA: Think about it.
p.s. Any similarities to real people or events, other than those specifically cited, are unintentional and are for purposes of illustration.
p.p.s. Fuck it. Yo Dan…
Filed under: slowblogger
