Excerpts from recent e-mail conversations at work

Joey Dew: Remember Renaissance Man with Danny DeVito? If a rough-and-tumble band of under-educated marine recruits can learn to appreciate and love Shakespeare and the nuances of iambic pentameter, there’s still hope for the world we live in.

Allison: ???

Joey Dew: Not only does Danny DeVito help teach those kids the beauty of Shakespearean Literature; they teach him something about the value of hope, and that the American Dream provides even the people who are most down on their luck with the opportunity to turn their life around and have a positive impact on people’s lives.

Allison: Poetic Joe…

What a heart-warming flick. Everyone remember to update your Netflix queues.

Filed under: slowblogger

Okay, so I’ve been consumed by work. It happens to everyone now and then. Right? There is a specific kind of satisfaction known as masochism that comes from working 70 hours a week on salary. But I do have limits, and I’m beginning to feel like I’m logging time and a half for El Circo. Until the gag order is lifted, and I’m not kidding, I can only say that there is a conflict in management. Yes, it’s true: the Dream Team (think film, not sports) is divided. Enter Compliance Officer “Greg”, stage left.

THE SCENE: Doolittle and Greg shopping for lateral files together at Office Depot.
GREG: You should buy that poster. It sends a strong message.
DOOLITTLE: Hahahahaha!!
GREG: I’m serious.
DOOLITTLE: Oh.
GREG: It would look great above your chair, and everybody would know that you’re serious about communication.
DOOLITTLE: (aside) Umm, hi… I’m Eliza. Have we even met?
DOOLITTLE: (floundering) Yes. Communication.
GREG: What do you think?
DOOLITTLE: I think $90 is too much money for a motivational poster.

But then I really took a look at the poster in question. And the more I looked at it, the more I did in fact want it. It’s not just the idea of poster cheesyness as an antidote for the knife-in-my-back bizarroworld that is my work reality. And it’s not just the unabashed optimism that suggests solidarity is one maxim away. It is so much more. It’s the laughs I will get when I mount it over my chair. It’s the looks of confusion from employees who know me as silly and sarcastic. But mostly, it’s the sexy sailors. They have a Chip & Dale-esque quality that wouldn’t be out of place for theme night down at The Boom Boom Room. Is there an intentional subtext? Subliminal? I don’t know. All I can tell you is that $90 was a steal.

Filed under: slowblogger

I love watching the news when I’m hungry. I love yelling at the tv. I love throwing food. But also some days it can cheer me up. Especially when I watch the news on YouTube. Here are a couple HILARIOUS videos of news anchors with dirty minds. I’m so hungry.

My favorite part is the tiny cackle in the back. Do you think Ben Affleck threw food at the tv. Don’t worry, this dude gets his revenge. Love his hair. and that brow, my god…so ready.

Filed under: slowblogger

He is awesome.
If you don’t like Less Than Zero, you’re an idiot.
If you haven’t seen Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, you’re no hipster.
And if you aren’t already enticed, on a number of levels, by this, you are dead from the waist down and the neck up.

ps, I hate how much i like you.

Filed under: slowblogger