As a break from the usual business, I’m going to actually write this article in the way it was intended. Here’s the recipe that I made tonight, in my own words:

mussels!

Debeard about 2lbs of mussels and let them soak in cool water for at least 20 minutes to get the sand out of their bellies.

Simmer 2 tbsp of oil with ~10 cloves of garlic, minced. Low heat. Best way to mince is to smash the garlic with the flat blade of a large knife, then cut that mother up small. Simmer for about a minute to soften the garlic, don’t brown it.

Add 5 chopped roma tomatoes, five-ish chopped green onions, and simmer until everything is one step removed from soft.

Add 1 cup of white wine and bring to a boil. Add 1 bush of chopped parsley and 2 tbsp. of butter, boil for ~15 min. or until the liquid is roughly half what it was at the start. Salt and pepper to taste, fresh grind the pepper, and don’t be shy with it.

Add the mussels, cover, and cook for ~10 minutes, until the majority of the mussels have opened up. Serve immediately, preferably with crusty bread.

The great thing about this meal is that I can still smell each individual ingredient on my fingers, in my kitchen, hours after the meal. Usually that’s gross, but in this case it’s the weird lover that I’m still calling, cooing into its pigeon ear.

This meal made me and my ladyfriend food-stoned tonight. This little diddy, along with some Werner Herzog’s “Heart of Glass”, and now some Cars, it’s a recipe for a really slow disaster, it will make you crash into your pillow in the most wonderful way.

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I can’t believe it, but this shit’s really going to happen on PBS with Batali and Paltrow. I wish I was at that dinner party, just to see the double-dare, to be a fly on that wall. What the heck is DeVito wearing/smoking/drinking? ps. the watch thing is hilarious. The “magic ice?” Frankie Valli? Where are the Four Seasons? At the hotel?

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Filed under: video

I continue with my remix of Simmons’ article on the does and do nots of being a true fan. We end the section on Attire with this…

6. When your team wins a championship, it’s your civic duty to purchase as much paraphernalia as possible. Don’t be ashamed. Hats, T-shirts, sweatshirts, videos, cards, magazines, books … there’s no limit. Gorge yourself.

This is true to a point. If the team you’ve followed through thick and thin has finally come out on top one year you got to go hog wild and break the bank to get as much cool gear and other crap as you can. Just remember one thing; you can always go overboard. The shirt and the video are a must. The shirt says, ?We did it and we?re awesome? and if you work hard and keep it in good condition it will say this in ten to fifteen years while your waiting for the next one. The video is a good idea so after a bad loss or a bad day at the office you can always plop it in your player and remember the good times. Although after about twenty to twenty-five championship-less years watching these videos becomes akin to a widower or widow watching their old wedding tapes and you?ll probably just end up with a thousand yard stare or a pool of tears.

Now if you decide to buy more than one piece of championship clothing you can’t wear more than item at a time unless among the company of similar fans. Don’t be the guy wearing the Colts championship hat and t-shirt at the barbecue, it’s obnoxious. However, if your watching the NFL draft with your boys then your in the clear. That’s a special time so it’s ok to look special. However, there are some things that are just too freaky for any fan no matter how good your team is or who your hanging with. An LSU pillow case or a comfy blanket is fine but don’t start buying the bedspread or the blinds. You’re not seven years old, you wouldn’t buy a race car bed, so don’t creep everyone out with your room.

On a special note. At the end of the big game when the final winner has been decided somehow, as soon as it’s over, players are wearing those championship hats and putting on those clean white t-shirts. So if they have a big box of these things ready to go they must have a big box of championship gear intended for the losers. You don’t know how much I would love to have any of these rare gems. How cool would it be to have a 2001 World Series champion Yankee hat? That’s the only Yankee hat I would wear and I’d wear it all the time. There would be no better f-you than wearing a hat that never happened.

So where do these diamonds go? Africa of course. Check it out. Can you imagine all the Super Bowl champion Bills hats out there in the Serengeti? Tell me you wouldn’t pay ten cents a day for 18 years to give vitamin E drops to some poor Tanzanian kid in exchange for his Bills hat.

Next up………..Behavior.

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