I have always wondered why people assume that all men know how to do this. I guarantee that I was missing some key nuance. Give it a try, hotshot:

How To Shave like a Pro

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Once again Sleepy is set to analyze ESPN Bill Simmons’ column on the rules to being a sports fan.

Attire

2. If you’re attending an NBA game, don’t wear the jersey of a team that isn’t competing in the game. It’s bad enough to see people wearing authentic NBA jerseys in public — if they’re wearing a T-shirt underneath it, they look ridiculous, and if they aren’t wearing a T-shirt, usually there’s flab and shoulder hair everywhere, and you’re wishing that they were wearing a T-shirt. Besides, it’s not like you need to wear an NBA jersey to get yourself in the mood for an NBA game, unlike baseball, football and hockey.

I disagree with almost every aspect of this clause. First off, basketball jerseys are awesome but there should be instructions on how to wear one. If your light skinned and your Body Mass Index places you as overweight or obese don’t even think about wearing a basketball jersey, shirt or no shirt. Others can get away with it, but fat white guys have to stick to football and hockey jerseys because football jerseys are often made specifically for big people and hockey jerseys are basically really cool pajamas. Jerseys should be treated like any other clothes, you have to be a specific body type to pull it off.

It still amazes me that baseball managers are forced to wear full baseball jerseys during the game. Over half these guys are overweight and it just leads fat fans, especially those who play softball on the weekends, to put these ridiculous things on, luckily they usually keep themselves from tucking in.

If you are at a game and a thin or normal sized person under the age of 35 than you can usually pull of the basketball jersey but please unless you look like a baller, wear a shirt underneath. Here is a general rule of thumb, if you can’t pull off an A-shirt, (aka a muscle shirt or a wife-beater) then you can’t pull off a basketball jersey. Would you wear just a wife-beater on top to a supermarket? Which leads me to another point, why don’t more women wear basketball jerseys? The A-shirt, or boy-beater, has been a hit with women for the last ten years. So where are all the basketball jerseys? Plenty of women will wear tube tops for some unknown, godforsaken reason, but only a few will venture out and pick up a basketball jersey let alone a jersey altogether. Women are always looking for new ways to attract men with clothes and I think one of the most underutilized ways has been the jersey market. I don’t think it’s just me. I could go off on this one.

One reason women are a better candidate for wearing basketball jerseys is the lack of pit hair which is the main reason why men should wear the shirt. he excitement of a game winning three pointer can be lost when you turn to high five a guy and you get a face full of pit hair. Just wear the undershirt, it doesn’t look ridiculous, plenty of college players do it, it is ok.

Wearing the jersey of your favorite team at one of their games or at home is great fun, it is ridiculous though, I won?t deny it. It is akin to dressing up in a surgeon?s gown while waiting in the lobby to hear how your father?s hip replacement went. But dressing the part gets you going, no matter what the sport. And there is nothing more cathartic than burying your head in the same jersey your favorite point guard is burying his head in after he misses a game winning jump shot.

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Hello all, its been a while, i know. what you don’t know is why, nothing exciting just business got in the way of pleasure, then pleasure interrupted business and now it’s business as usual. Thanks for Tough love, he finally wrote and props to b.c. for the sweet mixes, he has links to them and eventually i will add them to the music player.

Anyway back to the real reason for this post. I said something stupid which insulted e.d. and i am the reason she has not posted in a long time. i may have been jealous that she is the most read author on slowtimer, okay i actually was jealous. I have been apologizing to her for about a month now but it seems to not be working so i thought if i posted my apology that she may take it seriously. So, i apologize to you, eliza doolittle, you are the most popular author and rightfully so. You write superbly, you are witty, and insightful and i am sure all your fans(me included) miss you. Please write soon, I am sorry and an ass.

Maybe if we all let her know on how much we miss her she will come back. so comment here or write your own post about the situation to let her know we need her on the site.

So I will be more on my game, thanks for sleepy for holding down the fort and binary for keeping the range safe, would like to hear more from gooswa and t.l.,

peace and hair grease,

a.t.

oh yeah, lets all say hello to vagina puppet.

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Not particularly excited about this back-to-work Monday, but this story got me pumped. Apparently while lobbying to host the 2008 olympics, almost 3500 Chinese named their babies “Aoyun,” the Chinese word for Olympics. Other names from the year of note (American translations) were “1A” and “@”. The former translates to “love him”. Can I name a baby “Love Him”? After making barbecue chicken yesterday, I was wondering if naming a kid “Ray Ray” or “Sweet Baby Ray” would mess him up or make him cool. What do you think? Is it wrong to name a kid after a barbecue sauce, keeping in mind it’s a really good barbecue sauce?

I’m moving to China, don’t care what you think of me and Sweet Baby.

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