Somewhere along the way, when a child actor was being homeschooled on the set of “Growing Pains,” something went horribly wrong for Kirk Cameron. He started dressing like a douche and saying really wacky things. I hope his parents spent a lot of his money before he turned eighteen.

Now he has this show that usually airs post-bar-time where he walks around asking people innocuous questions like, “Do you like to party? Do you like to go to bed with people? If there was a bottle of booze on the street, would you take it?”

The show is called “Way of the Master”. It is run by a guy who plays Geppetto to Cameron’s Pinocchio. The show sends Kirk out into the mean streets with a video crew to interview drunken revelers. When the fun set admits to their hedonism, he retorts victoriously, “so you admit you’re a stealer? an adulterer? a liar?” The purpose of the show is to teach you the same tools so you can insure your soul floats up to heaven along with K Cam’s where we can all definitely, definitely NOT be gay in heaven together. With him. Amazingly, he has mastered the same rhetorical tactic that worked so well on elementary school playgrounds, proving so many kids to be poopy pants.

But I recommend that you don’t try this at home if you don’t want to get punched in the face.

Around here I like to end things on a lighter note, so here’s a scheme worthy of Potsy and the Baio: guy “A” runs into a convenience store naked save for a ski mask, does a hula dance, guy “B” steals a case of beer, then they both get into the running car of guy “C”.

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I need to switch gears and climb the hill of a disco reality, but I’ve been slaloming down Salome’s seven scarves and here’s the evidence:

and a Floydian afterthought:

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Sup popples,

so, there is this new fangled thing that came out about 3 years ago called “Web 2.0″ its a mysterious phenomenon. Its basically all these sites that connect to each other and are supposed to make your life easier. I don’t get it, but anyway, follow me on THE JOURNEY THROUGH WEB 2.0!!!!!! let’s begin.

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“Five delinquent Girl Scouts, a million hungry rats, one secret city beneath Manhattan, and a butt-kicking girl superspy. Welcome to the world of Kiki Strike.”

This description appears on the back of Kiki Strike: Inside the Shadow City, a book I stumbled upon. I recently spent a relaxing Friday afternoon by the pool with Kiki and Quen-tone. Although the novel is recommended for 9-12 year olds, I was entertained for hours (and I have the sunburn to prove it).

First, consider the lovely book jacket:

Second, consider that each chapter ends with a helpful topic such as “How To Follow Someone Without Getting Caught”, “How To Catch a Lie” and “How To Be a Master of Disguise”. Third, consider that a sequel is on the horizon. Fourth, consider that Kiki is more enigmatic (and likeable) than John Galt.

Who is John Galt? Only the most underrated Objectivist in modern literature! Yep. If you thought ol’ John was safely secluded in Galt’s Gulch these many years, you would be wrong, my friend. It appears that he moved to the Bronx and started an inept demolition company. A full report appeared on the front page of the New York Times last week. Weird.

By the way, Slowtimer’s myspace page is shiny and new, so make sure you are on the list of friends.

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